So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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