why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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