Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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