Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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