May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
