Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
