your parents love me but you hate me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
