:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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