Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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