apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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