Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
