I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
