Don't make out with my wife yet
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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