But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
