You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
