i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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