you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize