Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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