ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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