I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The struggles of a small town man whore
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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