life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
