I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
cat food counts as protein by the way
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
