Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
