I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just saw a hot homeless man
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
