I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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