If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
