I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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