im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
