I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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