hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
