dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
