as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
