you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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