He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
