you would pick up someone in the library
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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