You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
