Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
