I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
