dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
