Umm I'm too high to move.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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