i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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