if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
