A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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