im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
