Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it's great music for shaving your balls
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
