i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
