Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
