totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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