i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
