her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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