What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
