i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
