Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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