probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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