just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize