4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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