I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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