She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Couch. On fire.
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