I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
