hell yes lets make some ravioli
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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