I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
