I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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