yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
