rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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